tmc: Guess I can’t really flip you shit anymore about your Kansas City Refs. Geezus, you all right? Need anything? Another minute? Son of a . . .
Dude, Snooze Bowl was more like it.
Anyway, Money Guy slash Trump fan, let’s do this. It’s been a minute. Plus we got bigger shit to worry about than your boy, Mahomes. Poor thing’s not going home with another ring (boo-hoo), but considerin’ all that floppin’ he perfected this past season, he’s gonna get an Oscar nod and a cameo this off season, don’t worry. Hollywood’s gonna be just fine.
So set us straight here, will ya? As far as the economy goes and how that factored into a lot of peoples’ decisions this past election, it all boiled down to prices, right? Gas prices? Food prices?
Here’s our take on why there’s inflation in the first place. You get to respond and rank our acumen, okay? Dumb Ass on one end of the meter, Freegin’ Spot On on the other.
During the pandemic, nobody worked. Covid, a choosy little prick that proved very early on it was biased towards old people and compromised people, was used as an excuse by everyone not to go to work. I don’t really know how these Americans could afford not to go to work, but they didn’t. Sure, renters were forgiven for not paying their rent, at least in my home state. Some stimulus checks went out, but meagre at best. It was a perfect excuse not to go to work, I guess, and to take every advantage of every loophole and pot of government money, local or federal, that was available. But how much was that? Enough to maintain your buying habits? Seriously?
Bro, everyone was home-bound during the pandemic. Supply was down according to the experts, okay, but what difference does low supply make if everyone’s home and no one’s demanding stuff. Which makes me skeptical of this whole low-supply argument. All I remember are the assholes buying up all of the toilet paper and other essentials and, I guess anyway, hawking them on the black market? I saw firsthand freight ships come in hardly laden. But what were people paying double for that was in such short supply, Money Guy? I’m just not connecting those dots.
What I do remember, though, is check it out: some people had to work. Me, for example, and other essential workers. But check it out: a lot didn’t. It wasn’t exclusive to my line of work. People in every job sector didn’t go to work, placing the burden on those who were willing to work or risk closing up shop permanently. What did that look like, exactly? For the people who did go to work for those who didn’t?
OT, baby!
Motherfucker, it rained overtime here. Sure, for the nurses and the transportation workers and the freight conductors and the captains and the cops. But across every sector in our economy, too. Walgreens and Target. And where’s that OT gravy train wind up?
Look, I’m not the money guy here, but that seems pretty reasonable to me that the more OT that got shelled out, the higher the prices. And if that was taking place nationwide as I’m guessing it did–
What else raised prices, let’s see:
What else raised prices is when you walked into a grocery store or a Target and watched certain elements in our society walking out with grocery carts full of stolen groceries and goods uncontested—hmm, who do you suppose pays for those stolen goods? And how much?
Inflation, exactly.
Not to mention it’s how many years since 911, airlines are rolling in it, and we’re still paying extra bag fees? Bro, inflation’s here to stay.
I’m gonna have to start an OnlyFans if this keeps up. I’m told there’s a market for silver foxes with dad bods.
And how’s my meter by the way?
It doesn’t matter. You being the pro-Trump money guy, you’re gonna make this all sound smart. Tell us where the inflation really originated, then describe how we can curb it? We’ll get into the markets in a bit, but tell us po’ foke something good about inflation, okay? Ain’t fuck all happening to prices yet, and from the looks of things it’s thirty dollars if I want to cook an omelet at home right now. I know, I know–apples and oranges.
Let’s hear it, Chiefs fan.
MG: First of all, anyone who hates on the Chiefs is just jealous and mad because we beat their team. They’re the most likeable team EVER! And yes, the game was fucking ugly (to say the least), but they are the ONLY team to even make it back to the Super Bowl after winning back-to-back Lombardi’s, so suck on that!
As for me being pro-Trump—go fuck yourself, you couldn’t be more wrong. And, that’s where the story starts, with that COVID-denying motherfucker. You pretty much outlined it correctly, except for a couple of things. When the government injected almost $5 trillion into the economy via stimulus checks, PPP, tax credits, etc., demand increased for goods produced, which was the intended outcome. What wasn’t accounted for was that there were less people working and factories closed, which decreased supply. Then, once the factories reopened and goods were manufactured, there weren’t enough workers at the ports which created import bottlenecks. At one point, I believe that there were over 100 cargo ships sitting off the coast of Long Beach. So, it’s essentially a textbook case of the law of supply and demand.
Another contributing factor, and you hint towards it, but not directly, and that is corporate greed. Corporations used the aforementioned factors as reasons to raise prices. It’s not that people in blue states can walk out of a Target with $900 worth of items for free, it’s executives in their ivory towers lining their pockets. As Gordon Gekko said, “greed is good”. Good for the wealthy, not so good for the other 98%.
One other factor is the war in Ukraine. That triggered massive shocks to the global economy. Just four months after Russia’s invasion, inflation in the U.S. peaked at just a hair over 9%, with gas prices hitting a record $5 as well. As a result, the average U.S. household spent $900 more on energy monthly! Both Ukraine and Russia are major commodities producers—particularly wheat, oil and gas, fertilizers and key raw materials like the neon used to make semiconductors—which contributed to rising food costs among other consumer goods.
Now, back to that orange fuck and the next round of inflation: tariffs. You better buckle up, buttercup. Just last month, Drumpf called “tariff” the fourth-most beautiful word in the dictionary, behind “God”, “love” and religion”—four words he clearly knows nothing about. Tariffs are taxes on imported or exported goods between countries. But, the tax isn’t on a country, it’s on a company, so when the U.S. slaps on tariffs, companies pay them. More importantly, tariffs directly impact the price of imported goods, which can lead to higher consumer prices and can alter trade dynamics and international relations. So, I’m sorry, but I guess you’ll pay extra for your next Trump tie or flag—and of course, it’ll all be Biden’s fault.
As for my beloved Chiefs, they have a lot of questions to be answered for next year. But, if you are mistakenly under the impression that our dynasty is over, let me remind you that Mahomes is 29. Twenty-nine! The dynasty is far from over—we are the only team in history to have made 5 Super Bowls in a 7-year span, and we ain’t done! So, the haters are going to have another decade or so of hating.
Sleep well . . .
(Sumbitch is back. We did good getting him. And we’re gonna continue this conversation. We wanna dig a little deeper into this high prices thing, stay tuned. And Go Steelers goddamn it.)
Things Men Carry 