I don’t really look back at my high school days with any great fondness or nostalgia. They were okay. I did well in the classroom, I started every game my senior year at point guard, got my first stinky pinky in the backseat of my Volare, which if you didn’t know any better could’ve easily been mistaken for a Duster. What a tank she was. The Volare. I once drove her up someone’s front yard on the way home. I wasn’t hammered or anything. It was on the way home from basketball practice. Exhausted, I fell asleep at the wheel. Could have gone a lot more sideways, literally and figuratively.
I didn’t go to many parties. When I did, I’d usually wind up in a corner, envying the dudes who oozed swagger and confidence at the keg, talking the less confident into doing, say, another keg stand. Part of me tried to diligently figure out what was so fun about it. Beer tasted like absolute shit to me back then.
I didn’t have a girlfriend, either. Going to an all boys high school maybe didn’t help guys like me come out of their shells, but who really knows. I could’ve been awkward either way.
I didn’t get to hang out with the cool bunch because, well, shit, the cool bunch wanted nothing to do with me (unless I was doing a keg stand or something else stupid at my own expense). I didn’t bring anything else to the table, I guess. I wasn’t funny enough or whatever other skill set was necessary to avoid being that guy.
So yeah, that’s what I carry. That and other old clips of me just being really awkward. Compared to some of my peers, anyway, who seemed to somehow have it all figured out by the time they graduated.
But they didn’t back then and they still don’t today. So while I get a little depressed just thinking about these things, it doesn’t last long. Because I know the bigger picture. I know what happened since then. I found my swagger. My confidence.
You will too.
Do what I did, minus the losing your mother part at an early age. That’s where I got my fuck you. Every man needs a little fuck you so he’s not the guy getting tooled on at the keg.
Read some good books. Grow your brain out. You’ll be better for it. Quicker witted. Funnier. Look at me, for example, I’m hilarious. I left some good reads on the table for you just this past week. I forgot (Harry) Crews, shit.
Find a good barber and stick with him. A $25 haircut is, well, a $25 fucking haircut.
That’s really about all the advice I got. The rest you’ll have to figure out on your own. I think you’re off to a fantastic start. You’re better looking than your peers, many of whom will look old early and sell real estate because it’s the easy route, no disrespect to realtors. Fuck that. Real estate is the biggest scam out there. Talk to me first.
What else?
You hit the gym religiously. Your swagger just needs to catch up a little that’s all. Guess what, though: the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. You’re tracking just fine.
It’s all the sage advice your old man’s got. Thanks for being a part of my life these past 19 years. It’s been a ride. So much fun, so funny, so interesting and so warm. I don’t know where I’d be without you. If I didn’t already tell you this, the other night was most terrifying for me. I didn’t know what to do besides put you in the same bed as me and watch over you. Please don’t ever do that again. You know what I’m talking about, enough said.
So have a look in the rear view mirror one last time if you feel like it’s a good idea. Otherwise, I say the memories and the lessons you learned are safely tucked away by now and there’s only one thing left to do: go!
Just like the Chinese lantern suggests, Dawg, go! Soar! Commence. If if if you’re ever gonna look down, make sure it’s just at those who looked down on you, and nothing more.
Head up, Sir!
Shoulders back!
Firm handshakes.
Look people and challenges square in the eyes.
And get on with your damn life. Your growing here is complete. It’s time now you start doing it somewhere else. Don’t ever forget that your mom and dad are absolute train wrecks seeing you go away to college. Excited too, but yeah, we’re sad and lonely. For that reason, don’t ever stop calling your mom (me too) and especially God. Pray. Pray pray, pray. Every day, ya feel me? Don’t forget the words Thank you. Don’t forget to appeal to Him with your needs and wishes. He is the most dependable wind and the most reliable fire under your lantern. Don’t ever forget that.
-Dad
Things Men Carry 