Meet John

I’d like to introduce you all to John. He is the Founder and CEO of his own boutique wealth management firm that specializes in liquidity-event planning and holistic, comprehensive financial planning.  That’s a lot of words we’re gonna get into in just a sec and in future pieces, but first: John is originally from a small farming town in the Midwest, ended up attending college in Boston, where a lot of people go to get smart earning a degree in Economics.  After graduation, he returned to his midwestern roots and settled in Kansas City (fuck Mahomes and your Chiefs). John has over 30 years of industry experience and currently has 8 team members.  He has multiple professional designations, most notably his CFP® (Certified Financial Planner), and is a member of the Financial Planning Association.  His firm has over $200 million of assets under management with an average household account balance of $1 million, and 80% of their clients have account balances between $500,000 to $5 million.  He has been published and recognized in multiple publications, has earned multiple industry awards and was most-recently named one of Forbes Best-In-State Wealth Advisors by Shook Research. 

So yeah, can’t have a men’s magazine without a money guy. But as is customary around here, or what has become customary around here without our really planning it that way, is that we like to flip shit to, or haze, our new contributors.  We figure a guy who makes money off other peoples’ money is pretty fair game, so we begin there:  

Damn, Homie, that’s a lot of fancy acronyms; your designations I mean. What’s that in inches anyway?

First of all, fuck you and anyone else who doesn’t love Patrick Mahomes, and the Chiefs for that matter! I mean, how could anyone not love the guy? That is, unless you have to face him and he breaks your heart and rips out your soul in 13 seconds.

Anyway, as far as professional designations go, yes, I have quite a few. How that translates to “inches” will have to be up to you and your readers. One of my female team members has more designations than myself, so…

Hey, man, we’re not here to talk about your Chiefs winning another Super Bowl thanks to some bullshit, patty cakes call on the field, okay? But seriously, though, when they asked Mahomes after he won the Super Bowl, What are you gonna do next, what he should’ve said was, I’m taking the refs to Disney Land. Fuck kinda way is that to win a Super Bowl, anyway?

No, no, no, I don’t want to hear any bullshit about the Super Bowl! A penalty is a penalty no matter when it happens. Bradberry admitted it and said he was hoping he didn’t get a flag thrown. Now, what we might want to talk about is how Andy Reid put a clown suit on Sirianni, the fact that the Chiefs scored on EVERY 2nd-half possession, the Chiefs gave up ZERO sacks and Mahomes had ONE incompletion (on a throwaway) in the 2nd-half.

But seriously seriously, do these designations mean you know shit we don’t, like where, when and how the next $4 cup of coffee idea is coming from? Google idea? Ya know, before we all read about it in the paper, which, then it’s too late.

I would certainly hope that with my experience, training, education and “inches”, that I’d know more about this shit than the average person. Now keep in mind, I’m not a stock jockey or day trader, so I don’t think there’s any value in trying to figure out which raindrop is going to hit the windshield first. This industry is full of those rubes, and while it always sounds sexy, the research bears out that there’s no juice it that approach.

So let’s break some of this shit down.  Tell us about your inches one by one. 

We take an academic approach and focus on what has won Nobel Prizes and Modern Portfolio Theory. In other words, we take an “institutional” approach vs. a “retail” approach. While most in this industry are sales people, which carries a lower standard of care, we’re fiduciaries, which is the highest standard of consumer protection in the industry,

Sounds awfully cuddly coming from a guy who’s gonna take a handsome cut from my hard-earned money.  Expand on that will ya?

I guess it depends on your definition of “handsome cut” is. The industry standard is roughly 1% of invested assets and our fees are right in line with those averages. Additionally, Vanguard published a research paper that attempted to measure the value that a good, holistic advisor brings. They concluded that it was the equivalent of 3% annually. So, according to Vanguard, I’d be undercharging your cheap ass—you’re welcome!

Lastly, we’re big believers in Behavioral Economics. Now, that wasn’t a thing when we were in college (in other words, we’re fucking old), so for those who don’t have grays on your nutsack, let me explain: it’s essentially the difference between “knowing” vs. “doing”. Sounds simple. It’s easy to understand, but hard to do. To use an analogy, let’s say that I want to lose weight and get into better shape (which I do), but I like to eat pizza and ice cream (which I do) and don’t always feel like going to the gym (wait, I may be getting too personal here). Now, if I hire a personal trainer and a nutritionist, but I don’t follow the diet from the nutritionist or get out of bed when the personal trainer rings my doorbell at 5:00 a.m., then I’m not going to get the results I want. Our business is the same way–we all know we should buy LOW and sell HIGH, but research shows that investors do the exact opposite–they sell LOW (because of fear) and buy HIGH (because of greed). We subscribe to the Warren Buffet methodology of “be fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful.

Okay, that’s great, but how do I know when there’s fear or greed in the market? 

There are a couple of ways. First, there is an inverse relationship between how consumers “feel” and stock market performance. When we’re all fat dumb and happy, we take our eyes off of fundamentals, start chasing what’s hot, think “it’s different this time” and so on and that’s when bubbles typically burst. Alternatively, when people don’t “feel” good and are down in the dumps, that’s usually a signal that the market has or is about to bottom out, and is on its way up. To get to your question directly, these “feelings” are quantified and measured through something called the Consumer Sentiment Index, which is published by the University of Michigan. Another way is much less technical and it’s more common sense: when fundamentals are out of alignment–all investments are going up, lofty valuations, making money is easy, Uber drivers start giving investment advice, Reddit users are shorting stocks–that’s another signal that things are awry.

So, look, as much shit we’re flipping you right now, it’s obvious you’re crushing it.  At least if I have $500,000 lying around to dump into investment vehicles, which I don’t.  Cause, yeah, you have to have money to make money. How does that adage go again? Oh yeah: a penny saved ain’t much. Guess what I’m saying is, I had a money guy who saw how much I was going to contribute every month years back. In so many words, he told me that I wasn’t worth his time.  Left me with the conclusion that, one, I’m not too fond of money guys in general, and two, that I ought to spend this money section expounding on the virtues of index funds and other DIYers to put assholes like him out of work.  

But I’m not bitter.

Sorry bro, sounds like you’re very bitter! I don’t want to defend the doucher you came across, but let’s talk about business models. And, I’ll use a simple analogy: if you own a baseball cap manufacturing company, would you rather sell them one by one, out of your car, at your son’s Little League baseball games or ink a major contract with Amazon, Walmart, Dick’s, etc? It’s simple business economics and we’re business owners. Plus, the reality is that the more wealth a client has, the more fun it is to work with them. Sorry not sorry.

You’re kind of an asshole. Truth is, homie, I admire a man who knows how to make money: the $4 cup of coffee guy, the guy who drains 3’s from half court, hell, even the gambler who counts cards.  Even you.  And on top of that, you’re actually doing us a solid being here. Let’s just pretend for a sec like you don’t have the job as Money Guy quite yet. Like you’re still interviewing for the job. Like your life and kids depended on it. Give us something.  I don’t know, shit, tell us how you made lemonade out of lemons kinda thing.  This is your two minute closer.  Why the fuck should our readers listen to you? 

I appreciate the vote of confidence—especially the “even you” comment! So…why listen to me? I could say that we’re really fucking smart, make a lot of money, have grown our assets under management and all that shit. But, I think the better question is, Why work with us? The reality is that we help caring, thoughtful, receptive and intelligent people achieve successful outcomes so that they can focus on the more enjoyable, non-financial aspects of their lives. We help our clients reduce their taxes, reach financial independence, educate their children, provide for their families if they die prematurely or go into a nursing home. That’s some really meaningful work, and we’re passionate about that work. Lastly, 100% of our business comes from introductions from existing clients (referrals). We don’t do any marketing, direct mail, radio or TV shows, steak dinners, seminars, etc. Because of this, we don’t have any PITA clients (PITA stands for “pain in the ass”). We don’t care how rich you are. If you’re an asshole, we won’t work with you.

Hells yeah, we got ourselves a money guy.

-Neal